The kids occasionally ask me why I married Husband, and my stock answer is “because I knew he would be a great Dad.”
Decades later in mid-life, now that I actually have kids, I’m pretty impressed by the foresight I showed in my early 20s. It’s really hard to know when you’re single and childless what makes someone a good parent and how a person will change when they actually become one. But the more I got to know Husband, I knew I would be happy if I had kids that grew up to be like him. That seemed like a good start.
Our ceremony officiant asked us to write letters to each other about why we wanted to get married. I remember two snippets from his letter. He appreciated me keeping him company while he played Resident Evil 4 because he was too scared to do it alone. This is a memory that I can recall almost perfectly — wrapped up in a blanket on the big olive-colored couch in our tiny living room in Somerville, the bright screen of the TV aglow, creepy screams and fighting the only sounds in the dark room. But maybe that’s because this memory has been recreated many times since, in different living rooms we’ve lived in, on different nights over the years. Maybe I am confusing the evenings decades ago with one last week, but this time with 7yo, his other biggest video game fan, transfixed by the screen too.
There was another part of the letter that stuck with me. Soon-to-be-Husband wrote that his parents had always said that it’s easy to love people at their best but it’s important to see someone at their worst. And then: “You at your worst aren’t that bad.”
Husband is the steadiest person I know. We rarely argue. It wasn’t until several years into our marriage that I figured out that the reason he never got mad was not because he never got upset with me, but because he chooses his battles. Sometimes it’s okay to let things slide in favor of more peace and peace of mind for you and your partner. Like RBG says: “In every good marriage, it helps to be a little deaf.”
Photo by Bethany Newman on Unsplash
It’s our anniversary today and so far (with the exception of a donut delivery this morning) it has looked a lot like other days. At dinner we traded cards. Husband included a printout of the “Future” section of his marriage letter with annotations on how his predictions stacked up. The kids seemed to feel a little left out so Husband reassured them, “don’t worry, you two are a big part of our marriage too.”
“YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT,” yelled 7yo.
We finished the evening with family movie night (Monsters University), a kid meltdown before bed and an episode of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Seems about right.